The bumpy road to Romania, writing and "me"

The mouth of the Columbia River from Astoria 

Some of you know the story behind this adventure.  It all started with me getting so lost that I no longer really knew who I was.  All my happiness, all my sense of self-worth had become directly linked to how well I could help my friends or family, perform my job or care for others.  Along the way, I simply stopped caring for myself.  And then I forgot how.  Writing, photography and creative projects fell by the wayside.  I lost my energy, I lost my joy, and I lost my mojo. Simply put,  I lost "me."

Depression is a hard thing to admit, and it's even harder to talk openly with others about it.  When you base your worth on helping others and trying to "save the world," feeling depressed is not something you want to own up to.  It seems so selfish to feel down when you know there are so many other creatures in the world in such worse conditions than you could ever imagine.

Trying out the macro setting on my new camera

But depression is real.  And it can destroy you if you don't figure out how to get out of it.  I've been living with depression for as long as I can remember.  It wasn't until this fall that I finally accepted that this was no way to go on living.  I needed to act if I was going to live.

Since then, I've sought out help from a psychiatric nurse, a naturopath, an acupuncturist and I even got a free massage from a good friend who figured I needed it.  It's been a rocky road.  Zoloft was a disaster - causing anxiety and insomnia when I was on even small doses and giving me constant vertigo as I now go through what seems like a never-ending withdrawal.  Acupuncture and body work have helped provide short term fixes. I've rediscovered how much Buddhism and music help me feel comfortable in my own skin.  But this trip.  This is what has really kicked me into gear.

For the first time in I don't know when, I'm honestly excited about something!  I'm inspired to learn how to use a new camera, energized by the prospect of exploring a new place and filled with joy and anticipation of a long-awaited reunion with one of my dearest friends.  I'm making time to meditate and write almost everyday.  I am putting myself on a path that I want to stay on, and I hope you enjoy joining me as I embark on this journey.

iPhone photo taken one of  my many daily walks